06.09.09
Um, marry me because I’m pregnant, yo
Our College Girl has a BFF that’s six months pregnant. We love her and she’s just like another teenage daughter to us. She is nineteen and pregnant with her ex-boyfriend’s baby. When she first found out she was preggo I asked College Girl Is she getting married now? and was told No, why should she?Ok, fine. But then I just found out that Preggo BFF is getting married on July 17 (my birthday). I’m happy for her that the father/ex-boyfriend is man enough to step up to his responsibility and be a father to their soon-t0-be baby girl, yet it disturbs me that they’re getting married.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy for her that he hasn’t dissed her and left her to be a single, teenage mother to deal with all the difficulties that come with raising a child. But it bothers me, as I’ve told Mister, because I asked him Would he marry her, now, if she weren’t pregnant? She’s nineteen and in college, working at a local ice cream joint (not sure what he does) but why is it that just because she’s pregnant is he willing to get back with her AND marry her? I know, in my heart of hearts, its the right thing to do but still I worry about her maybe not understanding what is involved in being a parent and wife. She’s only nineteen, can she handle it? Can she go from Mommy’s house as a child to Wife in her own home at this age? Will they make it down the long, rough road of Life?
Mister is much kinder than I am, he’s happy that the boyfriend/fiance is stepping up, so am I, yet I just can’t help asking Would he marry her on July 17th if she weren’t pregnant???
I guess I’m so much of a Mom that I worry for those who I see maybe making mistakes and have such a hard time letting them make their life mistakes so they won’t get hurt. I want to shield our kids from any anguish they may have to endure on the road to Adulthood. I can’t help it, I’m a woman, mother and Cancer, its what I do. *sigh* I just hope BFF is doing the right thing and that its not a mistake she regrets the rest of her life and ends up scaring her and her daughter. I guess I care too much.
omu said,
June 9, 2009 at 10:49pm
Do we ever really know when we’re ready to get married? Do we ever really know when we’ve found the right person? Life’s funny. Some people can marry their high school sweethearts, live happily ever after, and never look back. Others wait, search for the perfect person and are divorced in a year. What makes some marriages succeed where others fail?
I’ll give them both props for making some tough decisions and both trying to do the “right” things. I hope it works for both of them.
Karen said,
June 10, 2009 at 7:10am
I was a divorce lawyer for 8 years. I saw marriages end when the couple was coming to the plate with little baggage. I think it is a near certainty that a couple who gets back together because of a baby will fail.
But that is just me. I am cold-hearted, but I do hoope they prove me wrong.
He can step up for her and the baby without providing a committment that neither of them is really ready to make.
Beej said,
June 10, 2009 at 5:44pm
Is it really the right thing for this family to be together because of the child? Sounds like a recipe for a lifetime of resentment to me. Maybe I am just cynical.
There are other ways for this man to step up that don’t involve a trip down the aisle.
Tee aka The Diva's Thoughts said,
June 11, 2009 at 7:38am
I must say that I am glad they are both stepping up and trying to do what is right for the sake of the baby. Although I don’t have much faith that hey will last a very long time it’s still a very responsible thing to do.
Cece said,
June 11, 2009 at 9:07am
I hope it works for them, too, but I guess it just disturbs me the most that they’re marrying b/c she is pregnant and less than a year ago they obviously didn’t like each other enough to be boyfriend/girlfriend and now they’re going to be spouses? Oy.
Lael said,
June 12, 2009 at 9:03am
I was preggers at 19,married at 21 and am still here 17
years later:)
Had we not had our son,we would not have married.
There was nothing else forcing us to try our hardest to work at the relationship. I’m sure had it not been for
the boy,we’d have given up on one another and moved
on to the next relationship..and the next one..and the
next one.
We loved each other-still do obviously-but our son was the
reason we got married and I think for far,it’s turned out
great:)
Lindsey said,
June 13, 2009 at 8:49pm
I care about this girl and I don’t even know her! I am on your side of this–I definitely don’t think getting married is going to help anything. It might even add more stress.
Also, I am sad that Kendra from Girls Next Door is pregnant! She is so young still and she is getting married, but STILL. I just wish she would have waited to enjoy her married life for awhile. I clearly feel strongly about not rushing into things.
Chris said,
June 14, 2009 at 8:32am
It’s nice to hear how much you care about her…she may need you in the future to lean on. It’s hard to tell whether they will make it or not but I do think that it will be tough at the very least to make it work! Marriage is hard work, I just hope they are both willing to put the effort into the marriage as well as raising the child.