So this sales meeting is a big thing for our company.  They’ve done them, a few times, before and they’re always first class.  Great flights, beautiful hotel rooms, not sharing a hotel room, all meals and snacks provided for us in addition to a few free drinks and an occasional open bar while we’re there.  Cool right?  Well all this planning a prepping comes hand in hand with TONS of Appropriate Work Place Behavior, Dress Code and Other Guidelines of (inserts company name) Business Travel  emails, that we ALL got tired of reading over and over in the weeks leading up to our departure.  I mean, c’mon!  We’re adult, sales professionals who needs this sort of childish reminders?  (Insert drunk laugh here)

Well each time we have one of these events its not uncommon to hear that between five to eight associates losing their jobs due to inappropriate behavior of some sort.  One year we were at this bar and these dumb reps left the company function, drunk, caught a cab to another bar, jumped on another mechanical bull, drunk, and had the time of their life!  That was, until the retard was thrown off and broke her leg.   Yeah, I heard about her being taken to the hospital and sent home, unemployed, the following day.  Stupid people.

But I digress, this years function one associate arrived to the airport for his flight ALREADY DRUNK!  I shit you not.   How he got past security, if he even did I don’t know, but his supervisor saw him in his condition, fired him and sent his drunk ass home.  He never even made it on the plane.  That reminds me of the movie Friday when Smokey (Chris Tucker) tells Craig (Ice Cube)  Nigga, how you gonna get fired on yo day off?  It takes a dumb mother fucker to get fired on his day off, maaan!   And a dumb mo’fo sure did get fired on his day off.   LMAO Jackass. 

 Then I heard, from my manager during dinner one evening, that on Cinco De Mayo in the hotel bar/club a dumb, drunk, chick decided that flashing her tits to the ENTIRE bar was going to get her lots of free drinks!  Instead it got her escorted out of the bar, up to her room to pack her shit, escorted OUT of the hotel, sent to the airport and home.   Fired.   Can you get any dumber than that?  The answer is YES!!

After the awards dinner I excused myself to my room to drink the few beers I had left while being a good girl/responsible drinking woman who is on company time and go watch a DVD on the lap top.  After a few beers I needed a smoke so I stopped the movie, grabbed whatever I needed and headed outside for a few minutes.  When I stepped outside I walked into the sort of conversation that makes your snap your neck in a double take thinking to yourself Did she just say what I thought she said??  Naaahhh.  So I blew it off and lit up.

After about thirty-five seconds out there I realized I wasn’t hearing shit!  The, very drunk woman, on the bench across from me was talking to two men, in suits, and she was talking dirty to them!  (Um, we’re at a business conference, its 9pm’ish, they’re wearing suits this time of night don’t you think you should watch what you say???  Guess not.  Carry on then!)   She told the one standing up that she has been married for nineteen years and EVERY.  SINGLE.   DAY.  of their nineteen years of marriage she and her husband have sex!  *Liar!*  Then she proceeds to tell the men that her boyfriend doesn’t get sex from her as much as her husband does because her husband is #1, as it should be! *look at her preaching*  She then made some comment to the gentleman who was standing, something to the effect of “…What’s big with you?  Your ego or…???”  I shit you not!

Well, naturally I had to bust out my cell phone and start texting my girl Craze to give her something to laugh at when the man who was standing asked if he could sit on the bench with me.  Sure, I said and scooted over.  He lowers his voice, shakes his head and says Oh this’ll give you something to tell your friends about when you get home, huh?   Blushing and smiling I close my cell phone and tell him I was in the middle of texting the situation as he approached.  We laughed about it and he told me that Madam Drunk-Ass had already fallen out here before I arrived.  *Dammit I missed that!*

He and I sat chatting and smoking, sipping on our beers and just carrying a casual conversation when we hear kissing noises!  Our eyes grew, we looked at each other puzzled, then turned to the drunk lady in time to see she lunged forward to kiss the other man squarely on the mouth!

Holy Crap!  I said.   That’s OK, I know what division she’s out of and who she reports to, was what he said.  That’s when I looked down at his badge.  It had his name and under that it said Corporate Headquarters.  Later that night we bumped into each other outside in the same smoking section and he was talking to a woman when he asked me to join him for a second and sad You were here with me, tell her what we saw!  She doesn’t believe me!  lol He was aready gossiping about it and needed a witness to back it up.  So I told the woman what we saw.   We all got a laugh out of it.

When I got to the office, yesterday, I looked him up in our global address book and his title was Director.   That bitch is screwed. 

And then I heard about one of my immediate own co-workers being a man whore and hooking up with a different chick each night!  He’s fine as fuck so I see that being entirely true!  lol  

There was a story of a very drunk couple having sex in one of the fountains in the atrium, that story I find hard to believe.  Then again, if my own manager hadn’t told me about the tit flashing woman I wouldn’t have believed that one!

Fucken drunks, man!  See, and THIS is the reason why I took Mister’s lap top and a shit load of dvds with me, kicked it in my room once meetings were done because I wanted NO part of anyone’s drunken escapades!  You know that saying Wrong place at the wrong time?  Yeah, I didn’t want to be that girl so I kept to myself and TADA! I still have a job!  Thankfully we only do these every few years.  Part of me wants to bail out on the next one but then again it does make good blogging material.   Hmmm…