My Drama Queen will be 10 years old, this summer and I just know its a matter of time before her little womanhood surfaces. I know she’s got the hormones flowing because that girl can go from happy to tears in .03 seconds! I also know her body is changing because she is growing armpit hair.
Speaking of her body hair, Mister asked me when I’m going to let her start shaving her legs, I told him When she’s old enough to not slice herself up first! And since she’s pretty clumsy, that might not be until she’s in her 20’s!
What’s the rush? I’m thinking. Is she too hairy for you to look at?is what I wanted to ask. But realized I was a raging premenstrual mess of hormones, myself, I just replied Around twelve or thirteen, we’ll see.
Then we’ve got the issue of her body changing, I know I’ve got to be prepared for her to get her period. I’ve got one small sample pack of pads for her, but I should probably buy a large bag for when the day comes, huh? And what do you think about The Period Talk? I haven’t discussed that with her, yet, but have had the Your body is changing and you will begin noticing these changes. You will begin to develop breasts and hair like Mom... talk. But not specifically about her period.
My mom and sister think I should just wait til she either gets her period or wait til the school sends them to Health Education, but I feel by doing that I’m not fulfilling my end of the parenting agreement. I dunno. Then again, I’m not sure how to approach her with this plethora of information and not have her freak out!
Any ideas or tips? Is it too early to begin having the talk with her about the upcoming changes in her life? What if she’s a late bloomer and doesn’t get it til almost 13 and I freaked her out for nothing? But what if she’s an early bloomer and gets it before she’s 11 and at school! I don’t want her thinking she’s dying at school and make a fool out of herself!
Oy, this parenting business is hard. Someone pass me a beer.
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February 20, 2008 at 11:44am
babylamb
I know what you are saying my son will be 10 in May and I’ve had to buy him deoderant. I keep telling my DH he needs to have a talk with him.
I think it’s good to starting talking about stuff now. That way when she get’s to that point she is aware of what is happening.
February 20, 2008 at 12:08pm
Willow
I definitely think that you should discuss it now–or do like my Mom did and buy me a book. We are book people and she let me know she would discuss anything I had a question with but it helped the embarrassment factor for us both. Did I have any questions no, the book really covered everything. The funny part–when I did get my period–I remember her telling me to make sure I stuck the sticky part of the pad to my pants. OMG–as if I would stick that to myself!! LOL
February 20, 2008 at 1:32pm
Omu
I dunno, on the leg and armpit hair shaving part, I think maybe talking to her about it, giving her a razor, and letting *her* decide when the time is right to start isn’t a bad idea. Give her some control over the situation, you know?
As for talking about the other stuff – I will never forget my mom cornering me in the car to talk about it. She made it sound so negative, and I’ve never forgotten that. I wish she would have made it sound a little better. Seriously. While I don’t think you have to go all out on details, giving her a heads up before it’s covered in school might also let her feel a little more in the loop, so to speak. Plus, would you rather she ask you questions, or some teacher?
February 20, 2008 at 1:33pm
Ang
Yes, you need to talk to her now. Easier said than done, I know. I’d bet at least a few, if not several of her friends have already started. My 10YO niece is seriously having mood swings also, period is not far off for her either. This may be shocking, but a few years ago, most of my third grade (yes 3rd!) girls in my classroom had started periods by Christmas break. The year after that, all but one had started by spring break. Parents were shocked when I’d send home a consent to talk with their daughters early in the year about that topic and to let them know I had supplies if necessary, but they were always thankful later, never believing they’d have to worry about that in elem. school.
My DD just turned 9, though she’s skinny as a rail and follows DH family in build so sure to start late, and I’ve talked to her anyway. Also because some of her more filled-out and year or so older friends from her former school and dance class already have.
February 20, 2008 at 1:35pm
Laurel
My mom tried to have lots of memorable conversations with me about puberty… I resisted and got good information from school, books etc… that was just better and less embarrassing for me!
February 20, 2008 at 3:20pm
Carrie
All I keep picturing is the beginning scene of “Carrie”.
Tell her or get her a book. Oh and I think a good opener of the conversation would be the book, “Are you there God, it’s me Margaret” by Judy Blume. It is kinda controversial but I AM controversial. lol
Anyway when I was 11, I read it and it was the first time I read something that i could relate to about starting my period.
As for shaving, I took it upon myself to start shaving. I think I was 11. i got bitched out about but it was worth it.
February 20, 2008 at 3:47pm
Sue
Dude, I say earlier is better than later.
Aren’t there some good books out there on how to approach this?
February 20, 2008 at 4:50pm
Heidi
Girls are developing earlier and earlier so I would suggest telling her now before she gets it and is scared out of her head. There has to be a book somewhere that explains how to do it without freaking a kid out. I don’t know how it is in CA but here in WI schools start doing health ed in 4th grade but I think it’s always better to hear it from mom first.
Mom handed me a book and told me to read it. Too bad the book was probably the same one she gave to my sister in the 70s!!! It talked about using belts to hold in your pads!!!
February 21, 2008 at 5:54am
Sassy Momma
LOL Heidi I think my mom must have given me the same 70’s book! I did NOT understand the belt talk.
I think a talk about the basics is probably a good idea. At least to give her a heads up. My niece just turned 9 last month and since her mom has been out of the picture for almost a year my brother asked me to talk to her especially after she informed us she had “hair”. So I talked to her about that and a little bit about what was to come. Not enough to freak her out but enough to inform her that it might happen in the next year or it might happen 5 years from now.
I remember a girl at school starting while we were taking 9th grade entrance exams. Not only was that a horrible site but her reaction makes me sad that she knew nothing about it coming.
February 21, 2008 at 6:07am
Slick
Dammit CeCe, my little girl is 9! I can’t be reading about all this stuff!
My ex has already bought her a training bra…the bitch.
When you find out what to do, pass along the info please.
February 21, 2008 at 6:17am
Shar
Definitely talk to her. My mom was convinced I wouldn’t get my period until I was 14 so when it came flowing in when I was 10 I had no idea what was going on. I was so scared because I thought my butt was bleeding. You might also want to warn her that hair is going to show up is some other weird places.
Maybe you could make her a “prep pack” with deoderant, razors, pads, a bra?, etc, then talk to her about each item and let her know that they’re not for right now, but slowly, she’ll start using all of them.
February 21, 2008 at 6:55am
christina_the_wench
As a mom of 12 and 14 year old girls, tell her today. She can handle it. Better she is prepared and knows what is coming versus a Carrie-like incident. Try this site. My daughters liked it.
http://www.beinggirl.com/en_US/pages/home.jsp
Good luck, girl.
February 21, 2008 at 7:55am
Karen
Well, I remember that they taught us all that crap in 4th or 5th grade in sex ed. at school. Then my parents talked to me about it too.
Though in all honesty, I don’t ever recall NOT knowing about puberty and woman stuff. My mom was an OB/GYN and we were always pretty informed of what she did.
February 21, 2008 at 8:17am
Emily
I’ve already had all the talks with my 7 year old. I’ll have to have the talk about sex again when she’s a little older. She asked, so I answered.
As for the period issue, my daughter has known since she was about 4 or 5 about periods. She’s seen me taking care of it on my body and got curious.
She will be 8 in about 3 weeks. She’s already occasionally needing deoderant. The kids bodies are just maturing faster these days.
Emily
http://www.twodogsrunningsouth.blogspot.com/
February 21, 2008 at 9:11am
Lael
I think knowledge is power and the sooner you talk to her the better. In our house it’s just commom knowledge so I don’t anticipate a chat,we’ve already had a few imformal ones
She’s got hair under her arms already?? Awww!
February 21, 2008 at 9:51am
Cece
Thanks for all the suggestions! I’ve decided that Saturday when Mister takes the 1.5 hour drive to pick up his daughter I’m going to send The Snitch with him & talk with Drama Queen. I’ve got a book at home that I’m going to look through this evening then show her the website posted here *thanks!* and just talk with her.
She’s been using deoderant for a few years already, mostly during the summer. Even my 5 year old puts it on, although she doesn’t need it! lol But hey, she’s practicing hygene so I don’t say anything.
I’m private about my own period so I’ve never told them what all those wrappers in the trash were. lol Thanks mom!
February 21, 2008 at 10:00am
Chris
I would talk to her NOW! It’s nice for kids to hear about things from parents and not the staff at school. Also, then she will feel like she can come and talk to you about anything.
February 21, 2008 at 10:13am
Craze
I’ll have a beer with you but don’t ask me for advice. JoBean is about to be 12 and someone needs to talk to him. How about if I tell your daughter about the birds and the bees and you talk to my son?
February 21, 2008 at 1:10pm
Amie
Oh do I know that feeling of them darn kids growing up!!! “Are you there God it’s me Margret” Is the book to help her prepair…worked for me and my mother never told me a durn thing…
Of coarse I would have died die if she had, ” the talk with me”…however
We have to empower our children these days and my son is 12 yrs old and knows the almost everything…I had to have the condom talk with him because unfortunately I see 12 yrs. old girls pregnant in the ER…and worse with STD’s and even HIV…(kills me)
It breaks my heart to take away his innocence, but he is 12 yrs. old and almost 6 ft tall…16 yr. old girls try to talk to him…and you know where that can lead to…
Oy…pass me the beer I feel a little heart broken…
He is still my baby…sheesh…
My granny gave me some good advise one day…
she said sweetheart..one day he will leave from under your wings and it may break your heart but you have to let him go…and as he gets older he will come back to you…and she was right!!! darn him for growning up!!!
February 22, 2008 at 5:06pm
Autumn
You need to tell her. Girls are starting earlier than they use to. I am sure there are some good books or pamplets out there. Ask your family Dr. or the school nurse if her school has one.
February 22, 2008 at 6:10pm
Terry
OMG….my Mother traumatized me with a book! We were never talkers in our family!! But I do suggest having the talk early….
February 23, 2008 at 7:51am
Chrissa
There is an American Girl book called “The Care of Keeping of You” and it is awesome! It starts with basic stuff about personal hygiene and goes through the changes their bodies will go through all the way to getting the period. Emily and I have started reading it together and she has really enjoyed it so far. I’m just afraid that if I don’t fill her in first then she’ll find things out from her friends that won’t be the whole truth and I know my version will be the better of the two!!
February 23, 2008 at 10:40am
chelle
It sounds like you have a great relationship with your girls and that you can talk to them about anything. I think if that conversation is brought up more casually…just mom and daughter talking….rather than sitting them down for “the talk”….it goes much better and doesn’t come across as something they should be afraid of. A lot of how the talk goes depends on your own comfort with the discussion. I have a feeling you will do JUST fine
Shaving? My daughter was about 12 and just did it one day in the shower…..lol I did not make a big deal of it because it wasn’t a big deal. She was uncomfortable with the hair on her legs and she felt better shaving. Of course we had discussed it…..but I kinda let her make the decision as when to do it.
Parenting is HARD…and it doesn’t get any easier as they get older….lol Just different issues to deal with! Good luck
February 24, 2008 at 3:06pm
Lindsey
I’m glad you talked to her about it!!!! Wait, have you had the sex talk yet? I can’t remember when I found out about sex. Maybe 4th grade.
February 26, 2008 at 11:48am
jen
I have been playing catch up with you today. I see where you had the talk and it went well. Madison will be 11 Saturday. Alot of her friends are starting already. We had the talk at an early 10…and she carries a pad in her back pack. Now we wait.