What would you do if you were married for nearly 50 years to the same person and they became terminally ill. They’ve been fighting Cancer for almost ten years and now has been labeled a terminal patient.
Your spouse is very coherent and has good brain activity, yet are in constant pain. So much pain that your spouse has a permanent IV in their body and they self medicate with pain meds just to cope.
One day your spouse gives them-self too much pain medication and ends up OD’ing. You get them to the hospital where they are stabilized. Now the doctors and nurses are asking you in the event of cardiac arrest what do you want them to do for your spouse? Revive or DNR? What do you do? How do you decide? And why?
Discuss.
18 comments
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January 21, 2008 at 10:01am
Sue
Personally, they would never have gotten to the hospital after the OD. I would have let them die at home, in peace with me by their side. And when they were gone, I would have called the funeral home.
But if it got that far…definitely a DNR.
We put our animals to sleep so they don’t suffer, yet we make humans endure unfathomable amounts of pain? It’s ridiculous.
I’ve seen way to many people suffer needlessly. I wouldn’t put a loved one through that.
January 21, 2008 at 10:04am
Sports Mama Tracy
I’m with Sue. In fact, Coach and I have talked about it quite a bit. We’ve both got DNR orders.
January 21, 2008 at 10:13am
Carrie
I’m totally DNR. At least for me. I even told my mom that last week when I had to put her cat down. I said, “Mom, please don’t ever do this to me if I am this sick.”
I know it would be hard to let someone go but I would even take care of it myself if they asked because there is NO WAY I would watch someone suffer that I loved.
January 21, 2008 at 10:31am
Willow
I’m a DNR believer all the way, as are both my parents. Which is good to know and yet–someday I may have to make that decision.
It’s a very difficult place to be, it’s hard to let go of a loved one, even harder to be the one making that decision.
My only experience has been with euthanization of sick/elderly animals–that’s more than difficult in itself. I can’t even imagine a loved one.
January 21, 2008 at 10:43am
Laurel
Personally, I’d want DNR for myself, so that is probably what I would choose. But, hopefully, I’ll discuss that with my spouse so that if the time ever comes I’ll know what he wants.
January 21, 2008 at 11:16am
Samantha_K
DNR, as hard as it would be.
It would be pure selfishness to let the person you love most in the world continue that type of suffering.
At least you had the 50 years together. Some people never know love at all.
January 21, 2008 at 12:25pm
Chrissa
I agree with everyone else…DNR. It would be so painful, but best for the other person. What a difficult situation.
January 21, 2008 at 12:48pm
~JJ!
Holy Hell…I am so sorry for anyone in that space!
I know I want DNR in my own living will…so I would hope that my spouse would follow those orders…
I would DNR to anyone suffering…as hard as it would be…unless of course the living will states otherwise.
I hope this person finds peace in whatever they decide.
January 21, 2008 at 1:15pm
Heidi
Hopefully I would have discussed my spouse’s wishes with them before something like this would occur.
I would probably DNR knowing how much they’d been suffering for so long. I watched my mom suffer with lung cancer for months before she passed away and it was awful to be so helpless.
I agree with Sue…we do it for animals yet bitch about it with humans. To me suffering is suffering no matter what species you are.
January 21, 2008 at 1:38pm
jen
What brought this up?
What would I do? Scott and I have Living Wills….and neither of us would want to live this way. We would call our children and or siblings or parents that were alive in to say goodbye….and let them go. We both know we will be in heaven together again.
Life is how we make it and then it moves on.
January 21, 2008 at 7:34pm
SassyMomma
Girl, what brought up that thought?
I don’t care how long I’ve been married IF my spouse has a living will and requested a DNR – I would totally live with it. As hard as it is and thankfully J agrees.
However, another spin – what if that person *wanted* to live and specifically stated in their living will that they wanted to be resuscitated?
January 21, 2008 at 8:48pm
Ann
Terminal illness scares me to pieces. On one hand you get the gift of a long goodbye. On the other hand you suffer and are scared and are in pain and your loved ones are scared and in pain. I think I want to be hit by a bus when it’s my time to go.
What a ray of sunshine I am, huh????
I say DNR.
January 22, 2008 at 3:45am
Beth
DNR…let the person go…their time is up, and they should be able to go with what dignity they have left. They would have never made it to the hospital in the first place….my grandma had cancer, was in horrible pain, on big time drugs, and she died at home. It was time, sad as it was.
Why????????
January 22, 2008 at 7:57am
Slick
DNR…
I’ve, as well as many others, have seen what that shitty cancer can do to folks…
I wouldn’t want another loved one to have to deal with the pain and shit it causes until their final minute.
January 22, 2008 at 8:54am
Craze
I would hope that this topic has been discussed between the couple and they each knew the wishes of the other. If there was a DNR I would not take any measures to continue life in that manner. The important message? Talk to your loved ones now and make sure they know what you would want.
January 22, 2008 at 8:59am
Cece
I spoke with Mister on this last night & we both said DNR if our quality of life won’t be there. If we’re not able to sit and talk with our kids and family and just lay in a drug induced sleep, the way my grandma did her last week or two of life with Cancer, then we don’t want to be brought back. Only revive if we’re going to be able to be as coherent as we were last night talking.
What brought this up is my Grandma *mom’s mom who lives with them* got a call from her sister-in-law on Saturday night that this happened, last week, to Gma’s brother. He’s been fighting Cancer for 10 years, constant pain and everything I described. He gave himself too much pain medication (has me wondering if on purpose, too) and ended up at the hospital for an OD. His wife was called that evening to find out about recessitation or not in the event and whe was appaled that they even questioned it. She said OF COURSE! Why wouldn’t you??? Personally I think that is very selfish of her to do. But that’s just my opinion of it.
Sadly/thankfully, my mom told me this morning that Grandma got the call from her SIL last night that her brother is in his final days. His body is finally shutting down and his doctor has given him 3-4 days of life left. The SIL told my grandma that he will never wake up again, they’ve got him in a drug induced state of sleep for the pain.
I was just wondering if I was mean to feel it was selfish of the wife.
January 22, 2008 at 10:10am
jen
I’ll be praying for your family CECE I pray for his peace…..and yours.
January 23, 2008 at 9:49am
Flyinfox_SATX
I had to post on this one as I feel very strong about my decisions. First, I have come to realize that Death is part of life. Although I may not like it either for myself or loved ones, its on my schedule and un-avoidable. I would choose to let my loved one die with dignity and love. They will know that I will miss them dearly. I would end the pain. No one deserves pain.
Flyinfox_SATX