I feel so down right now.  I know a lot of it is major PMS but PMS intensified with some emotional shit, dude, its just killing me!

 Of course I’m missing my grandma like crazy.  Last night I was shredding another fifteen pounds of pork for the tamales because it didn’t look like we had enough with the first TWENTY-FIVE POUNDS I shredded on Wednesday.  My whole family was in bed and I remembered that my friend Sue had shared a Christmas play list with us so I brought it up on the PC and was enjoying it.  That’s just what I needed (thanks Sue!) to get me in the mood for the upcoming holiday.  When Elvis came on singing Blue Christmas.  I started doing a little dance, while shredding pork.  Singing and drinking my beer.  Then all of a sudden I  “heard” my grandma’s voice saying I’ve never liked that man.  Ugh.  Something about his voice I’ve never liked.  I don’t care what anybody says I don’t like him!   I started cracking up because that is EXACTLY some shit my grandma would’ve said.  Then immediately began to cry because it made me miss that mean old lady and I’ll never get to hear her talk shit again.

If that’s not enough, Tuesday we lost a family friend.  He died one week before Christmas and has an eleven year old daughter, who is very close friends with my Drama Queen.  My dad and grandpa have known him for over twenty years.  And now he’s gone, a week before Christmas.  His poor little girl  will never look forward to Christmas the same way ever again.

Then my mother-in-law was diagnosed, over Thanksgiving, with a brain tumor which they’re going to be removing after the new year.  She will most likely end up blind after the surgery.  She’s a retired seamstress who still makes her own clothes.  Do you know how hard that’s going to be for her?

Then my uncle in Oregon, who is living with HIV, is still sick. Although he’s out of the hospital he’s still sick and it kills me that he’s so fucken far away from our family and all alone out there.

Then my friend Carrie’s family suffered a tragedy with the loss of her sister-in-laws house in a fire.  That makes me so sad.

Mister has a cold and is acting like a fricken baby!  Grow up, Ho!  Take some cold medicine and STFU!

And my house is a fucken mess!   I walk around in circles trying to do stuff but I give up because its not possible right now.  And that, my friends, bugs the shit out of me.

Can you see why I’m so fucken down right now?  And this is SO not me!  Ask anyone!  I’m the fucken Christmas girl!  I’m the chick that puts up a Christmas count down on November 1st!  Sooner if I can find one.  But this year, I just want the holiday’s to be over already. 

Trying not to be so negative I have been ticking off the good things of this season and this is what has come to my mind:    I’m happy that we’re healthy, employed and aren’t suffering.   I’m happy that my step-daughter and I are finally friends.  I’m happy that my daughters are very giving and overall good kids.  We have family, friends, food, shelter and warmth. 

I’m sure its just a majorly fucked up case of PMS but its true what they say, the holidays bring out the worst in people huh?  Oy.    Can I tell you how much I’m looking forward to Vegas on 12/26!  Holiday’s will be over with.  Shopping will be done.  Entertaining will be done.  The house will be back to normal.  No kids.  No family.  No work.  No shopping.  No responsibilities and shit.  Finally able to get shit faced drunk and call it a night!  HA!   Hey,  there is a rainbow over the horizon after all!  lol

Thanks for listening to my bitchy, whinny ass.  I have to say that after crying while writing this I feel so much better.